You want the best for your child; you want to give him the best possible start in life, and you want him to live a long, successful, happy life. You can do more than you may realize, to help make that a reality. Apart from empowering your child to control his own life experiences through using FasterEFT, you can impact your child’s future significantly by becoming aware of the stories you tell him.
Bear in mind that his subconscious is interpreting (through its existing filters) every experience — including what he is told by you — just as yours did. In addition to this: children, in their early years, tend to believe whatever their parents tell them.
Any story or anecdote you tell that has any emotion attached to it will not necessarily be a passing comment that will be forgotten. Even if the child’s conscious mind forgets it, his subconscious automatically records, gives meaning to, and files everything for reference.
There is no way to determine what an individual’s subconscious will deem important enough to keep ready for reference, nor the meaning it will give to that information.
Suggested Reading: What Determines Your Character and Personality?
What is a Second-Hand Memory?
Were you told, by your parents or someone else, anecdotes of what happened when you were a baby? They may be funny things you did, or traumatic experiences. When you think about these events, you’ll notice that they are represented in your mind in some way — even though you can’t possibly remember those experiences consciously since you were so young.
It may be difficult to pinpoint at first, but if you pay close attention, you’ll notice that you may see a picture of the event, or you may hear something; you may have a smell, a taste, or just a feeling.
There is some way you know what happened. Otherwise, of course, you wouldn’t have the information. For example, if your mother told you that when you were a baby, you used to laugh every time someone pulled a funny face, you will have that reference in your mind. If you didn’t have a reference, you wouldn’t know that it happened.
Reality vs Imagination
Considering the fact that we don’t tend to have conscious recollections of events from when we were babies, these memories are not our own first-hand experiences. They are second-hand, hand-me-down memories based on what we were told by someone else. But as far as the subconscious is concerned, they may as well be our own experiences.
The brain and body don’t know the difference between reality and imagination — which is why you will feel the same emotion when you think of something that you do when you experience it. For example, if you are frightened of spiders, if you imagine a spider in front of you, you will feel the fear.
Your brain will trigger your major organs to produce the fight-or-flight chemicals just as it would if there were actually a spider in front of you. It’s also the reason we feel real fear when we watch scary movies.
The combination of the fact that the body and brain don’t know the difference between reality and imagination, and the fact that young children will generally take what their parents (or other significant adults) tell them as absolute truth, makes second-hand memories just as real as their own. This means they have as powerful an effect on the child’s life as the memories they recall from their own experiences.
How Second-Hand Memories Affect Your Child
As you tell your child a story of what happened — things that happened to them, to you, or to anyone else — their brain naturally and automatically creates a representation of that event. It may be pictures, it may be action, sound, smell, taste, or sensation.
Their subconscious will filter this information through the data it already holds, give meaning to it, and file it for future reference. It will also prioritize it based on the information it already holds.
This new information will form part of the filter through which that child will experience life from now on. This will affect the individual’s perception, understanding, choices, beliefs, actions, and everything else.
Andrea was told by her mother that when she was born, she was so small and frail that she almost died. Her parents sat next to the incubator, holding her tiny hands, praying for her to pull through. It was touch-and-go, and when she eventually was released from hospital and they were allowed to take her home, they were so grateful that they made a commitment to the hospital to donate 10% of their income for 10 years to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
What happens inside Andrea as she’s told this story will depend on what information is already in her subconscious, and how her mother tells the story.
For example, if her subconscious already contains data that “proves” she is loveable and worthy, and that the world is a good place; as her mother tells her the story, she may have the following experience:
She sees herself as a baby, in her mind. She sees the incubator; she sees her parents’ worried faces and feels the feeling of anxiousness and fear. She then sees her parents rejoicing as they take her home from the hospital, and she feels the feelings of relief and gratitude that she imagines they would have felt.
Her subconscious filters all of this information through the data it already contains, and interprets the event to mean that she is loved, fortunate, and precious. This information reinforces her feelings of security, worthiness and success; and her choices, actions, behaviors, relationships, and everything else will be affected by this knowledge.
If, on the other hand, Andrea’s subconscious already contains information (based on her experiences so far) that “proves” that the world is not a safe place, that she is unworthy, or that she is “bad” in some way, the story can have a very different effect on her:
As her mother tells her the story, she sees herself as a baby, in her mind. She sees the incubator; she sees the worried expressions on her parents’ faces andfeels what she imagines they must have felt.
Now, because this information is being filtered through the data she already carries in her subconscious, and combined with the emotions she perceives in her mother as she’s telling the story, she experiences guilt. She feels guilty that her parents were put through that pain; she feels guilt that they “had to” pay 10% of their income to the hospital because of her.
She considers the arguments she’s heard them have about money, and she “knows” that if she hadn’t survived, they would have been better off financially. She’s aware of how much she’s cost them.
And yet, none of this is actually her memory, it is something she’s been told. The truth is, it may never have even happened. But whether it happened or not makes no difference to her subconscious since it’s just recorded it as real — as she was told the story.
Same second-hand memory, same child — different interpretations, and different effects on the future of that child. It all depends on what is already present in the subconscious.
What Makes the Difference?
What made the difference to what she already held in her subconscious? In the first example, Andrea’s life experiences had resulted in her feeling loved and secure. In addition to this, when her mother told her the story, she told it with love and appreciation.
She played down the feelings of anxiety and the sacrifice of the donations to the hospital; and she focused on the joy that Andrea has brought her parents, and the gratitude and elation they felt when they took her home from the hospital.
In the second example, Andrea had already experienced insecurity based on her parents’ fights about money. In addition to this, as her mother told her the story, she could see the fear, anxiety and stress in her mother’s face and could hear it in her voice.
Despite the fact that Andrea survived and is now a healthy child, her mother still carried the powerful stress emotions she experienced during that time.
To Andrea’s mother, this was just a story — just an anecdote of Andrea’s remarkable recovery. To her, it is a story that passes by Andrea’s consciousness and has no lasting effect. To Andrea’s subconscious, it is vital information that provides more evidence of who Andrea is, and how she fits into the world around her.
The Power of Second-Hand Memories
Whatever you tell your child has happened, will have the same effect on her subconscious as the things she remembers herself. Therefore, you can contribute to your child’s future success and the person she will become by being selective about what you tell her.
There’s a big difference between the two examples about Andrea’s first few days. In the first example, the focus was on the positive, with no remnants of the negative. Her mother had either not hung onto the fear and anxiousness at all, or she had cleared it and flipped the memory for herself already.
In the second example, Andrea’s mother still suffered the anxiousness and fear she’d felt at the time; and this was conveyed to Andrea. In addition to this, it was combined with Andrea’s existing “evidence”. That “evidence” “proved” that she was an inconvenience; that her parents were suffering from financial problems because of her.
How to Use Your Second-Hand Memories to Benefit Your Child’s Future
The first step in helping to give your child the best possible start in life is to clear your own stuff. Spend some time working through your own bad memories and issues using FasterEFT. Make sure you flip each one. If you have concerns about changing memories, read: Is it Wrong to Change My Memories? and Who Will I Be if I Change My Bad Memories?
Once you have changed your own bad memories you are in a better position to help your child. Make sure that whatever you share with her supports the fact that she is loveable; worthy; and destined for success in all areas of her life. In addition to this, teach her to use the simple FasterEFT techniqueherself.
This will mean that whenever something does bother her, she has the power to change it inside herself. This will literally change her future!
It will affect the choices and decisions she makes; her image of herself; her understanding of her own abilities; the way she perceives the world and other people; the way she reacts and responds to triggers; the way she behaves; the actions she takes; and everything else.
You have the power to give your child the best possible start. You have the power to affect your child’s future significantly; and you can make the most of that by choosing what you share with her, based on what you wish for her.
For detailed guidance in using the FasterEFT technique, read: The FasterEFT Technique — Step-by-Step.
To watch others benefiting from FasterEFT, watch the videos in the FasterEFT in Action Playlist.
Article by: Robert G. Smith