A belief system like that of Faster EFT states that each person is responsible for their own experiences (based on their own internal responses) may, at first, be seen by some as “toxic”.
Without a full understanding, the idea that we are responsible for what we experience regardless of the actions of others may imply a tendency to “blame the victim” or provide a “cop-out” for manipulators and narcissists.
So, let’s look at what taking responsibility for your own experiences — regardless of what others are doing or what is happening in the world around you — really means.
What it Means to Take Responsibility for Your Own Experiences
We all experience challenges in our lives. We all experience people whose behavior, choices and words could cause hurt, frustration and anger. We all encounter people who seem to be mean, rude, manipulative — and a range of other unwanted impositions.
The belief that they are affecting the way we feel (by far the most common belief) may seem valid and obvious; however, the result is a constant struggle to make “them” change in order for us to feel better.
On the other hand, an understanding that, although we cannot control others — and we may be exposed to their mean, rude and manipulative behaviors — the way we feel is completely within our own control.
It doesn’t seem that way at first. The way we experience the world from birth conditions us to believe it’s all about what’s happening outside of ourselves, and how that makes us feel. However, if you think about it in a slightly different way, it will start to make sense.
Faster EFT Explains what are Feelings?
Feelings and emotions seem to be intangible and non-physical; but they are in fact the sensations caused by the physical state of the body. When you feel hurt, insulted, angry, frustrated, happy, excited, loving, compassionate — and any other emotional states — what you are feeling are the sensations caused by a cocktail of chemicals in your body and brain.
This is happening entirely inside you — with no-one else involved in this physiological process.
What Causes Feelings?
Thoughts are connections between nerve cells in the neocortex of the brain. These connections automatically and instantly cause the brain to trigger the limbic system and major organs to produce chemicals that match those thoughts. And these chemicals cause certain sensations in the body.
Those sensations are then interpreted by the conscious mind as emotions, based on existing knowledge and experience. The thoughts are based on original data in the subconscious — which are created from interpretations of life experiences.
“Toxic Belief System” vs Empowerment
To some, the idea of being responsible for their own experiences regardless of what others are doing means being a victim. To others it means not needing to rely on the cooperation of anyone else in order to feel good.
Here are the key differences that make personal responsibility “toxic” or empowering:
Toxic Belief Perspective:
Someone can bully, manipulate, and be disrespectful to me; and this belief system says I have to take responsibility for my response to this abuse. This means I have to put up with the behavior, and just accept that he can get away with it. It means that my valid, natural, understandable feelings are discounted as nothing, and I have to allow him to do as he pleases.
This allows narcissists and manipulators to use this belief system as a way of getting away with abusive behavior.
Empowering Belief Perspective:
The fact that I am the only one who can control how I feel means I am not at the mercy of anyone outside of me. No matter how hard they try; no-one can make me feel something I don’t want to feel. A person can behave in a disrespectful, bullying, manipulative way, but I don’t need to play the game with him.
He can only achieve the effect if I play along by allowing myself to continue to experience those feelings.
I can clear the records in me that my subconscious is referring to, that are causing me to feel hurt, intimidated or disrespected — and that will mean I no longer feel those feelings. It’s like holding someone with very short arms at arm’s length by the forehead as they try to punch me.
There is nothing more empowering than knowing that no-one can make me feel anything without my permission — no matter how hard they try. And FasterEFT allows me to remove the automatic triggers in me, allowing me to free myself from the negative effects of others.
Which do You Choose?
If someone does something that you feel hurt and disrespected by, do you choose to play the game with them? Do you choose to feel those feelings, and experience your power in their hands as they make you feel bad?
Or do you choose to recognize that you are the only one who has true and complete power over how you feel; and to use FasterEFT to tap out those feelings — leaving them playing on their own?
The FasterEFT Belief System
The belief system at the foundation of FasterEFT is designed to put each person in complete control of their own experiences. Many people find they are triggered by others (in fact, many are triggered by Robert G. Smith (the founder of FasterEFT) as he represents people they’ve had issues with in their lives) — the choice is, in the moment, to blame that person, or to clear the cause inside yourself, that is resulting in the response. The choice is: self-imposed slavery, or self-empowered freedom.
If you choose to blame the other person, you are choosing to hand over the control to someone else (someone who, by the way, has no access to your limbic system — the system that is creating your feelings) — and you are then allowing yourself to suffer at the whim of someone outside of you. Even though it doesn’t seem like a choice — it is your choice.
If you choose to recognize your own power, and use FasterEFT to tap out the original records that are causing your response, you are taking control, and choosing your own experience.
But Then the Mean Manipulators and Narcissists Get Away with it!
The choice is: You choose to suffer, or you choose to take control.Whichever choice you make is not changing the other person without their cooperation. Blaming the other person, and trying to change them will never change them. You will simply be choosing to spend more time suffering.
The mean manipulators and narcissists can only get away with it if you play the game with them. Taking control of your own feelings and responses is leaving the mean manipulators and narcissists on their own, playing with themselves, and needing to find someone else who will be willing to play their game with them.
Whether or not the other person is in the wrong; whether or not they are manipulative, mean, narcissistic, bullying, intimidating — or anything else — actually makes no difference.
No matter how wrong they are, you get to choose whether you play along or not. If you don’t play, you don’t experience the effects. If you don’t play, the game doesn’t exist.
But Then They’ll Pick on Someone Else
Perhaps. But the most effective way of helping others is teaching them how to take responsibility for their own feelings and responses — just like you do. If every person takes responsibility for their own feelings and responses, every person is empowered to choose the experiences they want. And there are no victims.
For more information on why taking responsibility is your key to freedom, read: Responsibility vs Blame.
To find out more about creating the life you want, regardless of what’s happening around you, read: How to Change Your Reality.
To watch videos on FasterEFT visit: The FasterEFT YouTube Channel.
Article by: Robert G. Smith
Originally published at fastereft.com on June 9, 2016.