Narcissists can be difficult to deal with; and many people find that living with or working with a narcissist is stressful, painful, and can cause them to doubt themselves.
While there is a lot of advice available online on “How to Outsmart a Narcissist” the most effective and powerful way to achieve this is by using your own ability to change your reality by changing your subconscious programming.
A narcissist can only affect you if your brain and body respond in a certain way. In order to be hurt, or negatively affected in any other way, by a narcissist (or anyone else) you need to respond in a certain way.
And this response is not about how you outwardly communicate with the other person, but what happens inside you. How your body and brain respond.
What Happens Inside You?
When someone does or says something that causes you to feel bad in some way, where is the bad feeling happening? Although it may feel as if the other person’s behavior has directly caused your feelings, it is the chemical reaction inside your own body that actually creates the sensations you recognize as emotions.
Changing those chemical reactions will automatically change what you feel. Whatever other people do, your reaction could be different if you change what’s inside you — where the reaction is happening. This is not easy… unless, you change the original cause.
The automatic chemical reaction is the result of the records your subconscious is referring to. For more information on how these records are created, and how they affect our daily lives, suggested reading: The REAL Cause of All Your Problems.
When the narcissist does or says certain things, your subconscious refers to the data it holds regarding those things, and then prompts your brain to trigger your organs to produce the chemicals that will cause the appropriate feelings.
For example, if your subconscious holds evidence that some action the narcissist just took is hurtful and disrespectful, it will prompt your brain to trigger the major organs in your body to produce the chemicals that will cause the sensations in you that feel like hurt and being disrespected.
Your conscious mind’s job is to reason and use logic to work things outand give them meanings — it will recognize those sensations in the body as emotional pain and feelings of being disrespected.
It will then make the connection between the feelings and the actions of the narcissist, and will add thought, logic and reason to the experience. And of course, the more it does this, the more the brain triggers the organs to produce more of those matching chemicals. And so, the experience perpetuates and continues.
So, What’s the Problem?
The problem with this is that you are suffering unnecessarily because it seems like the emotional reactions are beyond your control. It appears that the narcissist has power over you, and so you feel trapped, helpless and hopeless, with no apparent way out.
The truth is, you can choose to make changes to the records you hold in your subconscious that are providing the proof that you should react in certain ways; and your experience of the narcissist will change automatically.
But They’re Wrong!
They may be wrong, and you may have an excellent point, but knowing that does not change the situation. You cannot make another person change; you can only change yourself. You may be feeling something along the lines of: “Why should I, when they’re in the wrong!” or “I won’t let them get away with it!”
The problem is, they’re already getting away with it; and the only way you can change your experience is to change the inside of you. It’s not about letting them get away with it, it’s about freeing yourself. If you truly want to be free of the negative experiences of a narcissist, then you can choose to take the action that will clear whatever is in you that is keeping you tied to that experience.
How to REALLY Outsmart a Narcissist
Regardless of who the narcissist is, what your relationship is with them, what their motives appear to be, and what the current circumstances are, here is how you can (if you choose to) outsmart them once and for all:
Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and think about your worst experience with a narcissist. Notice how you feel as you remember it.
Think back to where you’ve felt that same feeling before. It may not have had anything to do with the same situation you’re in now; it may have been a different situation, with a different person, but the same feeling.
Do the same with any other memories you can think of that have involved that same feeling. Make sure you clean them all up. Then, go to the situation you’re in today. Think about the narcissist you’re currently dealing with, and notice how you feel as you think about them.
Notice how strong the feeling is, and where in your body you feel it.Then, again, use the FasterEFT Technique to make sure that you have completely cleaned all negative feelings and memories of that person. Don’t’ stop until you have flipped it all — it’s not good enough to simply reduce the intensity; it needs to completely flip.
From now on, whenever you encounter a narcissist (or anyone else who bothers you), use the FasterEFT Technique in the moment to clear and flip the feelings and memories that come up. If you are in public, or can’t tap physically for some other reason, use Mental Tapping in the moment. It works just as effectively.
It is important to nip any negative feelings and thoughts in the bud so that they don’t become bigger and more intense. The earlier you catch it, the easier and quicker it will be to transform it.
For more information on how and why FasterEFT works, visit The FasterEFT System.
For step-by-step instructions on using the FasterEFT technique effectively, read: The FasterEFT Technique — Step-by-Step.
To watch videos on FasterEFT visit the FasterEFT YouTube Channel.
Article by: Robert G. Smith
Originally published at fastereft.com on May 15, 2016.